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LA Drivers license Application

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by stone, May 24, 2005.

  1. ... GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

    Name: ____________________
    Stage name: __________________________
    Agent's Name: __________________________
    Attorney's Name: _______________________

    Actual Age: _____ Admitted Age: _____

    Sex: [ ] male [ ] female
    [ ] formerly male [ ] formerly female
    [ ] both [ ] neither

    If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

    Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way?
    Yes [ ] No [ ]


    Occupation:

    [ ] Lawyer
    [ ] Actor/Waiter
    [ ] Film-maker/Self-employed
    [ ] Writer
    [ ] Car Dealer
    [ ] Pan-handler
    [ ] Agent
    [ ] Hooker/Transvestite
    [ ] Other; please explain: ___________________________


    Please list brand of cell phone: ________________________
    (If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)

    Please check hair color:
    Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
    Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skin-head
    Men: Please list shade of hair plugs ________________

    Please indicate if you have Automobile Insurance:
    [ ] Yes [ ] No
    If Yes, please explain:


    Please check activities you perform while driving (Check all that apply):

    [ ] Eating a wrap
    [ ] Applying make-up
    [ ] Talking on the phone
    [ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
    [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
    [ ] Tanning
    [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
    [ ] Watching TV
    [ ] Reading Variety
    [ ] Surfing the net via laptop
    [ ] Reading a book or other Newspaper


    Please indicate how many times:
    a) you expect to shoot at other drivers, _____
    b) and how many times you expect to be shot at while driving ___.


    If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately:
    a) [ ] Call the police to report the crime;
    b) [ ] Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your TV;
    c) [ ] Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through;
    d) [ ] Call your therapist;
    e) [ ] None of the above (South Central residents only).


    Please indicate if you drive:
    a) [ ] a BMW,
    b) [ ] a Lexus,
    c) [ ] a Mercedes,
    d) [ ] a Cabriolet.
    If your answer is d, please add 6 to 8 weeks to normal delivery time for your driver's license.


    In the event of an earthquake, should you:
    a) [ ] stop your car
    b) [ ] keep driving and hope for the best,
    c) [ ] immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
    d) [ ] pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel?


    In the instance of rain, you should:
    a) [ ] never drive over 5 MPH,
    b) [ ] drive twice as fast as usual, or
    c) [ ] you're not sure what "rain" is.

    Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.

    Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
    (Check all that apply.)
    a) [ ] Prozac;
    b) [ ] Zovirax;
    c) [ ] Lithium;
    d) [ ] Zanax.

    If none, please explain: __________________.



    Length of daily commute:
    a) [ ] 1 hour;
    b) [ ] 2 hours;
    c) [ ] 3 hours;
    d) [ ] 4 hours or more.
    If under 1 hour, please explain:

    When stopped by police, should you
    a) [ ] pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form
    ready,
    b) [ ] try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405,
    c) [ ] have video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit?
     
  2. oak

    oak At Banned Camp

    7,555
    0
    0
    bullshit.

    the real one is in spanish.
     

  3. Lucky

    Lucky The $75,000 Rider

    Damn.

    Can't follow that one up.